January 1st, 2009

Since 2006, paq-land.com has been evolving into what you see today. I started doing blog style news posts in 2007 and enjoyed my sarcastic social commentary so much I decided to keep it up in '08.

Can you blame me, though? They're easy to write and provide "filler" in between major article updates. Sure, it's taking the easy way out, but I do say the funniest things on the site in them.

Did I update with news as much as I wanted to in 2008? Um, no... Not really. Work finally caught up with me (actual work, lol.. like, you know -- a job..) and for brief stints here and there I just didn't have the energy in me to keep up with pop culture happenings. My bad and shit.

It's all good though, I did manage to cover most of the major stories that made up 2008, although I highly regret not having anything officially archived about Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey getting hitched. What the hell?! That's like me getting famous and nabbing a hottie like Rosario Dawson.

Wait a minute, that's actually a good plan... And yes, I have a major super duper crush on her if you haven't noticed. Anyone that can sit through Josie and the Pussycats three times is a Rosario fan. Hardcore. I love that girl.. Even if she made that shitastic movie in 2001.

Anyways, here's a quick recap of the year in news through hilarious quotes of mine. See ya at the end of 2009 and happy new year!

"I fucking hate Tila Tequila. I'm mad she even has a damn job at MTV let alone a job anywhere that's not being a crack whore on the streets of L.A.. I couldn't stand this lameness so I changed the channel." -- Me describing my distain for the "Shot at Love" star during New Year's Eve 2007, 01.04.08 (Read Full Post)

"Authorities also suspect that the pop star was "under the influence of an unknown substance". You know what I think? I think the bitch just ate too many Starbursts and donuts combined with a six pack of Red Bull and was on a complete sugar rush from Hell. They should have checked the corners of her lips for powdered donut residue first before jumping to any judgemental conclusions." -- Me making fun of Britney Spears' recent public breakdown, 01.05.08 (Read Full Post)

"Well, I guess that answers what FatSlim Shady has been up to doesn't it? Sitting on his ass eating nachos and drinking pancake mix as his weight sky rockets -- really getting his Elvis on. How ironic it would be if he died in a similar matter? Two famous White entertainers who profited off a Black art form kicking the bucket on the john. HILARIOUS!" -- My commentary on the rumors of Eminem gaining weight, 01.11.08 (Read Full Post)

"Tiff will have the cameras follow her (and presumably her bitch boy "Talior Made" if they're even still together lol) as she tries to get her feet wet in the world of acting. I think she has a chance to atleast make it on those straight to DVD suckfests BET likes to release, though. Yep." -- Me reporting on news of Tiffany Pollard's new show on VH1, New York Loves Hollywood, 02.25.08 (Read Full Post)

"Big ups to Chris Breezy for getting past that five head of hers, though... I'd be staring at the damn thing for days myself... " -- My opinion on Chris Brown and Rihanna dating, 02.26.08 (Read Full Post)

"Still, I can't believe these two (according to the rumors) are married. You know what that means? Hov's gonna boink her with no rubber on now -- which means she's basically going to have Joe Camel's offspring *shudders in disgust*" -- My reaction to Jay-Z and Beyoncé finally tying the knot, 04.05.08 (Read Full Post)

"Driven by insane *cough*  and unjustified *cough* airplay of his hit single "Lollipop," the New Orleans artist was able to go platinum in a week with no problem -- making him the first to do so since 50 Cent's "The Massacre" in 2005. And no, Kanye didn't do it last year.. he was close, but no cigar. Expect Kanye to whine about that." -- Me reporting on the launch of Lil' Wayne's "Tha Carter III", 06.18.08 (Read Full Post)

"Hmm. I dunno about anyone else, but if I had an affair with Alicia frickken Keys, I wouldn't be so quiet about it. I'd fess up to it quick fast. I'd tell my girlfriend, 'Look bitch, I just boinked Alicia Keys. Get the fuck up out my house. She's moving in.'" -- Me commenting on the rumors of a Swizz Beatz/Alicia Keys affair, 06.18.08 (Read Full Post)

"I haven't been following this mess, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to come to the conclusion that Kells is a damned prevert. I'm not too pleased with this verdict, but since the bitch he urinated on didn't want to testify, he got to walk. Bull shit! I'm sick of these rich bastards getting away with EVERYTHING!" -- Me pissed off at the aftermath of the R. Kelly trial, 06.18.08 (Read Full Post)

"I guess nine months have passed (lol) and the former Zoey 101 star had her baby today according to my peoples at People.com. Yezzur, Maddie Briann was introduced to the world after surviving a trip through Jamie Lynn's toxic vagina. What a trooper." -- My sarcastic report on Jamie Lynn Spears giving birth, 06.19.08 (Read Full Post)

"Somehow, by some ginormous miracle, Cassie still has a record contract with Bad Boy. Amazing what a blowjob can do for job security these days, isn't it?" -- My surprised reaction to find out Cassie is making a new album, 06.20.08 (Read Full Post)

"A rep said Cyrus, 15, had not been personally approached by the company yet, but it's something she'd never consider because she's going to be a virgin until marriage. Pssh, ninja please. How sweet is that deal?! $1 million smackers and a life time supply of skeet-stoppers? I'd take that deal for $20 and 3 condoms... and a box of Gushers fruit snacks. I'm easy to deal with." -- Me thinking Miley Cyrus is nuts for not taking a condom endorsement deal, 06.30.08 (Read Full Post)

"Please rethink this decision. I know Paris Hilton made fun of your ass by calling it cottage cheese in a trash bag, but don't pay that pancake-booty, lowercase A bra size wearin' bitch any mind." -- My letter to Kim Kardashian asking her not to tone down her ass, 08.17.08 (Read Full Post)

"DUDE, Miley is 15!! That's no where near being legal! That's, uh, boardline pedophile territory. I think I might have to call Dateline NBC... 'Cause that's not a good look. Miley is probably still stuffin' her bra with muppets. Hug her and her tits sing the theme to Muppet Babies" -- My opinion on Disney star Miley Cyrus dating a 20 year old ass clown, 09.09.08 (Read Full Post)

"I hope Jordin gets pissed and starts making voodoo dolls of Rihanna she stabs while rocking back and forth under her Chris Brown shrine.. a shrine that shall surpass Helga's from Hey Arnold." -- Me on Chris Brown rejecting American Idol winner Jordin Sparks, 09.10.08 (Read Full Post)