December 31st, 2007

2007 was the first year in the 9 year history the site switched over to an actual news system. If you can remember, I used to update the news once or twice a month, but in an effort to gain a higher daily viewership and to just plain talk about a bunch of random shit without needing to write an entire feature about it, I started monthly news archives.

Blogging is all the rage now, so I figured giving you guys my opinions on popular topics wouldn't be that hard. Plus, you have to consider the fact I've ALWAYS talked about pop culture to begin with, so you really get more bang for your (non-existant) buck here lol.

Through out the entire year (except November because I was on a break from the page -- thanks, Life!), I brought you guys hilarious posts on the news. The purpose of this feature is to give you my best one liners, funny observations, and just general quotes from things I wrote.

It's a nice stroll down memory lane and a humorous way to say goodbye to 2007. Plus, if you've been totally slack and missed out on everything or have a horrible memory, then this'll basically get you up to speed on the funniest things I uploaded (news wise) on the site. If you want to read the full article the quote is from, just click the link to open it in a new window.

"Her other question was "what country has the longest border with the US?". Immediately I said "Canada". Then this slut has to think about it for atleast a minute. You fucktard, it's either Mexico or Canada!! Canada goes pretty much border to border and Mexico doesn't even go to Florida! It's simple!! I came up with that answer in less than 3 seconds, AND SHE GOT IT WRONG! Her saving grace was her little 5th grade "classmate" who got the answer correct and saved her from losing the money. She got $25,000 for that shit. That's a damn 2007 Ford Mustang or a Mitsubishi Eclipse... PAID FOR... just by answering some dumb question like that. Somebody get me ON THIS SHOW!" -- Me rambling about the debut of "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" on FOX, 03.01.07 (Read Full Post)

"Grrr.. It's people like this that make people like me eat fucking chips made with sunflower oil, get Little Debbie snacks that are microscopic, and deal with Got-Damn 100 Calorie packs of snacks. Fuck y'all lol. Go run on a fucking treadmill!" -- Me complaining about the morbidly obsese people in the world, 03.28.07 (Read Full Post)

"Where are the "To Catch a Predator" cameras when you need them? I bet dude stays under the slides in parks just waiting to pounce on a kid." -- Me speaking on Akon dry humping an underage female at a concert, 04.24.07 (Read Full Post)

"What the hell? Since when does Paris drive HERSELF? If I had millions of dollars to throw around, I'd insist on somebody killing Aladdin and stealing his magic carpet for my own personal use. Either he gets whacked or that nigga who hangs with Johnny Quest is gonna get it. Sim Sim Sala Bim, bitch!" -- My thoughts on Paris Hilton's run in with the law, 05.06.07 (Read Full Post)

"Apparently, they ended up spending $6,000. Tomorrow, they should shop for talent. No cutting in line infront of the boys from Pretty Ricky, though." -- Me speaking on the stars of Disney's The Cheetah Girls going shopping, 05.08.07 (Read Full Post)

"By all rational means, the man should be so broke to the point he's sucking the private parts of dirty hobos on the street just to get the corn out their feces so he can eat breakfast." -- My opinion on Kevin Federline announcing he's funding production on his 2nd album, 05.31.07 (Read Full Post)

"I constantly voted for Layla, even after all the stupid contests like "Sgt. Slaughter's Boot Camp Obstacle Course," and hey look, she ended up winning with my help. I think Miss El owes me a blowjob (I'm kidding ... lol -- I'll settle for a hug with some feeling up action, chyeah!)." -- My mind being in the gutter speaking on the 2006 WWE Diva Search winner, Layla El, 07.30.07(Read Full Post)

"And what the hell is Rihanna doing buying an album anyways? As much as she promotes her music lately, you'd think she'd be hard-pressed for cash... Can't she just get the MP3 files from Jay-Z or steal them from the studio when he's not looking? No employee discount, either?! Pffft, if I was rich I'd still download music off bit torrent lol... I'd probably try stealing cable and stay in the ghetto like Redman on MTV Cribs." -- Me on Rihanna's claim that she bought Beyoncé's CD twice, thus having no beef with her, 08.26.07 (Read Full Post)

"It will also sport Wi-Fi connectivity in Starbucks stores so you can buy the music playing while you drink your uber expensive caffine fix in the morning. Points are deducted for this feature because first of all, I can't stand to even be near a Starbucks with the well-to-do folks of society who drive expensive cars and carry breifcases and secondly, why the hell would I pay for fucking music lol. Next." -- Me being underwhelmed by the the announcement of the iPod Touch, 09.05.07 (Read Full Post)

"There's no excuse for this, Brit. I don't give a damn about your personal problems. I don't give a flying blueberry fuck nugget if you're rusty, either. You don't bring your stank ass on national television on an established awards show without bringing your A-Game. She didn't even bring her B, C, D, or F-Game. I dunno what was up with her, but it was just BAD . Her weave was fucked, she forgot how to dance (and lip synch), and she needs to do about a billion stomach crunches." -- Me talking about Britney's horrid VMA '07 performance, 09.10.07 (Read Full Post)

"The hosts really need to grow the hell up and stop acting like every person watching is masturbating to Olivia Munn's cleavage." -- From my pissed off rant about G4 and their coverage of the Halo 3 launch, 09.25.07 (Read Full Post)

"If you're good at DOA, congrats, you're good at a very horrible game . That's like saying you're great at sculpting things out of feces. You very well may be able to make the Statue of Liberty out of cat shit, but who cares?" -- Me on Dead or Alive 4 on the Xbox 360, 10.20.07 (Read Full Post)

"Kanye's the type of guy who'd ask Jesus if he has a stash of porn, and if he didn't own any filth, West would put him on to some lol" -- Me joking about Kanye West's self-admitted porn addiction, 12.14.07 (Read Full Post)

"Speaking of parenting, Mother Spears (the original, lol) was preparing to release a parenting book but it got delayed until 2008. Yeah, that's funny. It's apparently about Lynne's struggle to raise Britney and Jamie Lynn or some crap. I don't know what the title is, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest "Raising Skanks"." -- Me on Jamie Lynn Spears' teen pregnancy & the Spears family, 12.19.07 (Read Full Post)

Man, am I riot or what? The '07 was a fun and very entertaining year for me to work on paq-land.com. For the most part, I was trying new things and was taking the page in a new direction to talk about things I cared about instead of trying to please everyone under the sun. It is my web page, after all haha.

2008 should see more updates in the news archive since I ironed out all the kinks in the posting system over the summer. Also, if you want to get this funny news on your Google or Yahoo homepages, then subscribe to the RSS feed. I need more readership before I put time and effort into updating it lol, so scroll to the very bottom of the page and click on "RSS Feed" to sign up.

Take care everyone, and have a happy new year!